As I was refreshing back my Add Maths (yes, shocking as it may sound to some people, I have to really start work to bring up my grade), this thought came across my mind:
The interview for Deputy Head Prefect is in about a month's time. Should I take it? A lot of the prefects say I have to be or should be the next deputy. But, frankly, I dont feel like I want the job. I mean, studies always comes first, and being Deputy Head Prefect is a very heavy burden. At the moment I'm already having problems with Add Maths and Moral, and being AJK Spotcheck is already burdening enough on me. By the looks of it being Deputy will only make things worse. On top of that, Devindran has already put me as Badminton Club President for 2009-2010, my fate in BSMM is unknown, but surely I can't run away from a place on the BSMM organising committee. The current AJKs even wanted me to be their next president as well! But I declined, I know it will already be too much. I know my limits; ukur baju di badan sendiri. Thankfully they understand and will look for alternate future presidents.
But unlike BSMM and Badminton, I WILL be the one to make the decision. Now when I think about it, I dont think it will be worthwhile to have all this workload on my back and at the same time having to focus on studies. It'll be too much. But then again, I wouldn't want to dissappoint my seniors (and maybe teachers, I dunno) who already have so much confidence in me. They already are looking up to me as one with the potential and the abilities to be a Deputy. But they dont realise the current state of my studies, they only assume that I can handle it. Assume nothing. If I'm starting to lag behind in studies, why should I make it worse? Not everybody is capable of juggling chainsaws you know. Everyone says be optimistic and work "extra harder" to balance everything. If I'm working very hard enough, why should I push myself to the breaking point? That's not a student's life. No, I dont think I can accept this.
So what if I reject? What will happen? Most probably I will have to keep my current job, but honestly I've had enough of it. Besides, a Form 3 prefect should take over at the beginning of the new term, perhaps I'll coax the teachers to give away my position to the next-gen Spotcheck AJK. Then where does that leave me? Jobless? I would prefer that, not having any extra burden to carry. Some of you may call me a coward or a chicken for running away from all this. I dont care. It certainly beats having these distractions from my study life and having to handle extra stress. I know myself better than any of you, and definitely I know my limits better than any of you.
If I were to make a decision right now, and probably for the interview; I'll reject the Deputy offer and forfeit my current position. A different place on the Prefects Committee Board? We'll see what the teachers have in mind and how things will be talked over.
What would you do in my situation? Take the position anyway or step down from the offer? Or do you have something else in mind?